Wow! What a Check List for Healthy Marriage

37 Qualities of a Healthy Marriage

The University of Maryland posted 37 qualities of a healthy marriage. These were determined by several social scientists, in examining “healthy marriages,” who have identified a number of traits, qualities and skills of people who had been able to maintain successful, satisfying relationships.

Do you agree? Tell us in the comments the traits you would eliminate – or additional traits you would add.

According to the University of Maryland, people who have a healthy marriage:

1.  Share a healthy philosophy of life with clear ideals
2. Are growing in friendship and respect as well as love for each other
3. Share many interests and activities together
4. Enjoy each other’s company
5. Are trusting and trustworthy, are interpersonally honest yet tactful
6. Are interdependent
7. Are proud of each other’s achievements, and give realistic praise
8. Are interested in and respect each other’s work
9. Share in decision making
10. Try to share and make monotonous work interesting, such as household chores
11. Have realistic hopes linked to attainable goals
12. Take responsibility for decisions and behavior
13. Will, if education is needed to reach goals, patiently delay marriage to continue their schooling
14. Have a mindset which sees problems as challenges to be solved
15. Have usually been seriously interested in at least three other possible mates before making their final choice, and have affected “break-ups” in non-destructive ways
16. Are ableto live within their financial means
17. Are aware of their weaknesses and show efforts at constructive change
18. Use criticism wisely, but maintain a balance in which there is more praise than criticism
19. Are “real” people, genuine and authentic
20. Find that the growing relationship helps each person become more sure of him/herself
21. Engage in healthy physical activities – get adequate nutrition, exercise and sleep
22. Restrict their use of sarcasm, nagging, embarrassment and complaining
23. Enjoy talking and listening to one another, even when discussing areas of conflict
24. Experienced courtships that were not frantic or rushed (over 60% of the early divorces were due to hurried marriages- where the couples were very young, not well acquainted, and where the engagement period was very short)
25. Are empathic and attempt to understand and meet their partner’s needs
26. Did not elope (4/5 of couples who elope, divorce)
27. Enjoy giving of themselves to others – they desire to give as well as to get
28. Used their courtship time to thoroughly get acquainted, and grow in love
29. Carefully consider the issues that face them, evaluating the pros and cons of alternatives. They try not to jump to hasty conclusions regarding important relationship issues
30. Marry out of respect and affection, not out of pity or sympathy
31. Enjoy each other’s families, in spite of their possible faults
32. Talked through a number of sexual issues during their engagement period
33. Enjoy a healthy, non-destructive and appropriate use of humor
34. Are satisfied with the amount of affection demonstrated in their relationship
35. Try to change personal habits that are irritating to their spouse
36. Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but look ahead to ways of avoiding similar situations in the future
37. Are able to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another

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Three Simple Keys to reduce Christmas…..STRESS!

Is the Christmas season starting to STRESS you out? Well considering this blog normally goes out on Tuesday and it’s now Wednesday, I’d say the answer in the Laffoon household is YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

So how do you reduce the STRESS normally associated with the Christmas season? Here are three simple keys to reduce Christmas stress.

First, maintain your HEALTH! Nothing stresses us out more than tight fitting clothes from too much holiday fudge. Remember to enjoy the fun food but eat it in moderation. Also, even though it’s a busy time of year do not forget to get enough rest and exercise. Good sleep and regular exercise can help you keep a clear mind and reduce the amount of “over-thinking” this time of year brings.

Second, maintain your RELATIONSHIPS! Remember that Christmas is about celebrating Christ’s birth so keep in touch with HIM first and foremost. Stay grounded in the Word and in Prayer during this season and see how your relationships will flourish. When we keep Christ first HE helps us see the importance of the key relationships we have at home, work and church.

Finally maintain your PRIORITIES! The busyness of this season can often fog our perception of what is and isn’t important. Remember to stay connected with your spouse on the important decisions this season. SET BOUNDARIES together as to what you will and will not say agree to do. Those boundaries will help keep the “good” things away that will allow you to focus on the “great”!

Here’s to a stress free Christmas!

Blessings~

Jay and Laura

Re-air: The Marriage Missionaries!

This is a Re-Air of last month’s expert interview with The Marriage Missionaries. The final word of the month is “An”!

Three Simple Keys to Raising the Happiest Kids on the Planet!

Picking up from where we left off last week…it’s Key #2

Love Your Spouse More than Your Kids!

Again most people believe they do love their spouse more than their kids. However, what would people see if they were a “fly on the wall” of your home? I know for most of us there are three specific areas we can improve.

First, Speak your love in front of your kids. We have yet to meet the woman who doesn’t want to hear the words “I love you” from her husband. While this may be very difficult for some men it gives your kids a sense of security about mom and dad’s relationship. Similarly we have yet to meet the man who doesn’t appreciate a compliment from his wife. “Thank you dear for being such a good provider”. “Thank you for helping in the kitchen”. These words show your kids the affection you have for each other.

Second, Show your love in front of your kids. Displays of affection are like cement in your relationship. Holding hands while watching a movie or television program. An appropriate kiss before leaving for work or after coming home. A big hug for a “job well done” on dinner or for an accomplishment at work tell your kids that mom and dad enjoy each others presence.

Finally Stop your kids from disrespecting your spouse. Couples have to communicate with each other when they feel they are losing respect from a child. On numerous occasions we have and still do, sit our kids down and let them know that their words or tone of voice is disrespectful to one or both of us. Further we explain that if that disrespectful action doesn’t change there will be consequences paid.

Here’s helping you Celebrate!

J&L

10 things it took me 50 years to learn!

I (Jay) hit the big FIVE – 0 Sunday…not rounds of golf but years on this earth…here’s TEN things I’ve learned:

1. Jesus, decide what you believe then live like you believe it.
2. Marriage, no greater joy on earth than to walk through life with your best friend.
3. Children, the greatest gift we’re given even on days we’re not so sure.
4. Parents, quit blaming them for your problems and remember how much they sacrificed for you.
5. Friends, the family we choose.
6. Health, don’t take it for granted and work hard to keep it.
7. Integrity, let your yes be yes and your no be no.
8. Work, labor at something you love and never work a day in your life.
9. Service, we’re on this earth to bless others so get to it.
10. Laughter, it truly is the best medicine.

I know it’s not much for 50 years but I’m a slow learner

Blessings~
Jay