Do you Celebrate Your Marriage?
We mean REALLY CELEBRATE the gift of marriage God has given you?
Often, in marriage, as we walk through the day to day routine of life, we forget to celebrate THE greatest gift God has bestowed on His people. For a Christian couple, marriage should be a life-long party!
Yes, we understand that life is hard and yes we understand that even in the best of Christian marriages there are tough times. However, when we realize the benefits of Celebrating Marriage together, it gives us a reason to rejoice!
A Partner
The first benefit of a Christian marriage is that God has given us a Partner. What joy there is for the couple that has built a friendship over the years and walks through life with their best friend? We have been best friends virtually since the day we met on our blind date. Conversation was easy and fun! For others that friendship must develop.
All friendships take time, energy and effort. When we take the time, put forth the energy and effort to building a friendship with our spouse, we take our eyes off ourselves and learn the gift of serving. Further, with Christ at the center of our friendship, we fulfill the Scripture which says:
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
A Provider
The second benefit is that we have a Provider. Couples who Celebrate, realize that each one is gifted uniquely and we learn to defer to the strength of the other. This fleshes itself out differently in every marriage. But couples who Celebrate realize that in marriage we were meant to complete each other, not compete with each other.
In our marriage, Laura is great with decorating the home and making sure my socks match my outfit. I on the other hand provide Laura with a spouse who actually understands the word budget! If Laura didn’t “provide” me with an eye for color my entire house would be beige, and if I didn’t “provide” her with economic sanity she would be up to her ears in debt. We provide exactly what the other needs.
The Pleasure
Pleasure is perhaps the most recognizable benefit to a marriage that Celebrates. Romance and human sexuality are a gift from God that has unfortunately been perverted by our world. We firmly believe that God intended couples to have GREAT sex lives. In fact, studies are showing that romance and sex in a marriage are a good barometer of the state of the marriage.
It is said that for a woman “when all is right with the world all is right in the bedroom” and for a man, “when all is right in the bedroom all is right with the world”. You see the pleasure of marriage is best fleshed out when we work (that’s right, it’s not spontaneous combustion like on TV) at making the world or the bedroom “right” for our spouse.
The Prize
The final blessing is the Prize. Studies abound that married couples live longer, happier, less stressful and lives. Their financial status is much higher, and their standard of living much greater than that of single or divorced people.
Beyond the earthly blessings listed above, there comes the blessing of God. Throughout Scripture God uses the analogy of marriage to the relationship of Christ with the Church. God seeks to bless His church as it is faithful to the Person of Christ. In the same way, God seeks to bless couples who are faithful to each other.
So, why Celebrate Your Marriage? Because of the benefits waiting for you!
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A Partner
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A Provider
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The Pleasure
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The Prize
Let the PARTY begin!
Wow! What a Check List for Healthy Marriage
37 Qualities of a Healthy Marriage
The University of Maryland posted 37 qualities of a healthy marriage. These were determined by several social scientists, in examining “healthy marriages,” who have identified a number of traits, qualities and skills of people who had been able to maintain successful, satisfying relationships.
Do you agree? Tell us in the comments the traits you would eliminate – or additional traits you would add.
According to the University of Maryland, people who have a healthy marriage:
- Share a healthy philosophy of life with clear ideals
- Are growing in friendship and respect as well as love for each other
- Share many interests and activities together
- Enjoy each other’s company
- Are trusting and trustworthy, are interpersonally honest yet tactful
- Are interdependent
- Are proud of each other’s achievements, and give realistic praise
- Are interested in and respect each other’s work
- Share in decision making
- Try to share and make monotonous work interesting, such as household chores
- Have realistic hopes linked to attainable goals
- Take responsibility for decisions and behavior
- Will, if education is needed to reach goals, patiently delay marriage to continue their schooling
- Have a mindset which sees problems as challenges to be solved
- Have usually been seriously interested in at least three other possible mates before making their final choice, and have affected “break-ups” in non-destructive ways
- Are ableto live within their financial means
- Are aware of their weaknesses and show efforts at constructive change
- Use criticism wisely, but maintain a balance in which there is more praise than criticism
- Are “real” people, genuine and authentic
- Find that the growing relationship helps each person become more sure of him/herself
- Engage in healthy physical activities – get adequate nutrition, exercise and sleep
- Restrict their use of sarcasm, nagging, embarrassment and complaining
- Enjoy talking and listening to one another, even when discussing areas of conflict
- Experienced courtships that were not frantic or rushed (over 60% of the early divorces were due to hurried marriages- where the couples were very young, not well acquainted, and where the engagement period was very short)
- Are empathic and attempt to understand and meet their partner’s needs
- Did not elope (4/5 of couples who elope, divorce)
- Enjoy giving of themselves to others – they desire to give as well as to get
- Used their courtship time to thoroughly get acquainted, and grow in love
- Carefully consider the issues that face them, evaluating the pros and cons of alternatives. They try not to jump to hasty conclusions regarding important relationship issues
- Marry out of respect and affection, not out of pity or sympathy
- Enjoy each other’s families, in spite of their possible faults
- Talked through a number of sexual issues during their engagement period
- Enjoy a healthy, non-destructive and appropriate use of humor
- Are satisfied with the amount of affection demonstrated in their relationship
- Try to change personal habits that are irritating to their spouse
- Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but look ahead to ways of avoiding similar situations in the future
- Are able to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another
Making 2012 Your Best Year Yet!
Ponder Your Blessings
Reflect on Your Goals
One of Jay’s golfing buddies is a financial adviser who signs every email with this quote: “People don’t plan to fail; they fail to plan.” Sooooo, what’s your plan for your marriage? Do you have a regular “date night” on the calendar? Have you planned that weekend getaway for just you two? When we commit an event to the calendar, we find it much easier to maintain a commitment to that event. Whether it’s fitness, study, or even time with your spouse, we are most likely to keep a commitment we’ve written down!
Align Yourself with Like-Minded People
One of Jay’s dad’s favorite sayings is “You will become the books you read and the people you hang around.” It’s true, we’ve counseled countless couples who get their “sound marriage advice” from their divorced friends at the bar! Seriously? Find other couples who care about their marriage and start hanging out with them. Inform friends who complain about their spouse that unless they change their tune you’ll be finding different friends. DO NOT underestimate how much those who are closest to you will either build or tear down your marriage!
Yield to God’s Guidance
We make no bones about the fact that we are “Christ Followers”. We are far from perfect and have never claimed to have a perfect marriage. However, one thing we do is to seek God’s best in our lives. Our rationale is quite simple, if there is a God (and we believe there is) then HE has the best plan in store for our lives together. Our only role is to listen to Him daily in our marriages, He’s waiting to help you make this your best year yet!
What about number 5?
The Christmas Episodes, Vol. 1
This week begins a three part series on Christmas to round out 2011 with Jay and Laura. Have you been paying attention to the word of the month each and every month? If so, you may have a chance to WIN!
Three Simple Keys to reduce Christmas…..STRESS!
Is the Christmas season starting to STRESS you out? Well considering this blog normally goes out on Tuesday and it’s now Wednesday, I’d say the answer in the Laffoon household is YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
So how do you reduce the STRESS normally associated with the Christmas season? Here are three simple keys to reduce Christmas stress.
First, maintain your HEALTH! Nothing stresses us out more than tight fitting clothes from too much holiday fudge. Remember to enjoy the fun food but eat it in moderation. Also, even though it’s a busy time of year do not forget to get enough rest and exercise. Good sleep and regular exercise can help you keep a clear mind and reduce the amount of “over-thinking” this time of year brings.
Second, maintain your RELATIONSHIPS! Remember that Christmas is about celebrating Christ’s birth so keep in touch with HIM first and foremost. Stay grounded in the Word and in Prayer during this season and see how your relationships will flourish. When we keep Christ first HE helps us see the importance of the key relationships we have at home, work and church.
Finally maintain your PRIORITIES! The busyness of this season can often fog our perception of what is and isn’t important. Remember to stay connected with your spouse on the important decisions this season. SET BOUNDARIES together as to what you will and will not say agree to do. Those boundaries will help keep the “good” things away that will allow you to focus on the “great”!
Here’s to a stress free Christmas!
Blessings~
Jay and Laura
