Without PANTS — A story from our Mackinac Conference~

We live in Rochester, and my Dad and stepmom live in Midland. We have car-pooled to Mackinac with them for the past two years, and we usually rent an SUV to drive up. My wife drove the first segment after picking them up, and we switched drivers on a break in Gaylord. My dad commented that there was a lot of room in the backseat, and asked if I had adjusted the seat when I got in, to which my wife Sabrina answered “probably not, we have about the same inseam” – although she is 5’6, and I am 5’10.

We stayed in Mackinac City on Saturday, and caught the ferry over on Sunday. We were all dressed fairly casually for the first session, as many folks are, to do the tourist/shopping thing on our way up the Grand Hill. After the introduction and warmup session, where you encouraged us to “make memories”, we went back to our room to get ready for dinner…

As with so many, many couples, I know there is *at least* a 30 minute differential between my “get ready” start time, and my wife’s (sometimes more, depending on the humidity!). All is well – Sabrina has a new snazzy dress, and new sparkly accessories. No crisis to handle – I did not forget my belt, like two years ago, and I *know* I packed a tie this year… Nap time !!!

Sabrina starts her ‘au natural’ art project in the bathroom mirrors, and I lay down on the bed, close my eyes, and nod off. When she is ready to get dressed, my lovely wife wakes me: “honey, it’s time to get ready”. I get up, run water through my hair, check to see if I need to get rid of any 5:00 shadow. On to the closet – we got our clothes back from the cleaners right before we packed, and I had put all of my dinner clothes on one hanger.

I lay my coat and tie on the bed…

unbutton my dress shirt and lay it on the bed…

my wife is still (just barely) in her soft, luxurious, Grand Hotel robe… (cow chicken cow cow)

and I start to take the black dress pants off the hangar, and I look down and see the UNTHINKABLE…

… these pants have… TWO BUTTONS.

I don’t OWN any pants that have TWO BUTTONS .

Dear Lord. I have jeans from yesterday, khakis for tomorrow, and my wife’s work pants in my hand. Are you kidding me? This is -not- happening. Again. For the third year in a row. After an audible curse from me that will not be repeated, my lovely wife realizes my folly, and is trying to not laugh so hard that her mascara will start to run. Dinner is in 15 minutes.

After a couple minutes, she (finally!) catches her breath, and says:

“why don’t you try them on?”

Which starts another round of laughter- on her part. I… am not amused. To be sure, I am laughing with a very different tone in my head; in fact, it sounds a lot like despair.

This is the point where a weaker couple, further from God, that did not regularly fill each other’s “love bucket” with words of affirmation or a couple that did not speak each other’s “love language”, would crumble, and things could easily have devolved into arguing, raised voices, and tears. The evening, nay, the *whole weekend* would be ruined with an argument. Even as strong as we are as a couple, the situation is hanging by a polyester thread…

I mention, as nicely as possible, that if the shoe was on the other foot (or the wrong pants were on another person – so to speak), that my dear, loving wife wouldn’t think that this was quite so funny.

So I try the pants on. And, just like she had mentioned yesterday, we have almost the same inseam (because, as the only child, Sabrina is [almost] always right). Plus, since they just came from the dry cleaners, there was a safety pin available, if necessary. You almost never have a safety pin when you NEED ONE, right? The pants are only short about 3/4 of an inch. My belt covers the double buttons, and my coat covers the straight “girl pockets” in the front. What the heck, it will get dark soon…

(By the way, Laura, those “girl pockets” annoyed me all night – I kept trying to put my cell phone in there… plus, what is up with putting the zipper in BACKWARDS??? The trip to the urinal was surreal, like I was left-handed or something).

And *that* is how we had fun, without my pants, before dinner, at the Grand Hotel. I’m guessing that it was also the first time, at one of your own conferences, that you shook hands with a guy wearing womens’ clothing – at least on the outside.

Thanks again for all that you and Laura do – I told you this story so you could tell it to others. Not that you have any trouble finding stories.

I thought of a few new parables that this story might illustrate:

In the dark (or at least very dim light) men & women are not always all that different

For the eternally self-conscious (like me) – no one is looking at you all that closely, especially in a crowd

Sometimes it is a good thing to step into your partner’s shoes (or pants!) for a while

Shared experiences – making memories – good or bad, will often draw a couple even closer together

And —> Always make sure that you are laughing *WITH*, not *AT* your spouse

Mike and Sabrina

This Pic taken from Mike’s room at Grand Hotel

Men: ever thought of her orgasm as YOUR duty?

“. . . Judaism took the idea of sexual obligation so seriously as to protect a woman’s sexual pleasure, as opposed to simply her right to take part regularly in the sexual act itself.  The sexual act failed to fulfill a man’s duty if the woman did not feel pleasure, that is, achieve an orgasm.”

The Jewish culture has an interesting take on sex in marriage! A man’s duty to his wife is to fulfill her sexually.  I think that many women do not like having sex because they are not being fulfilled sexually so the thought process becomes, “what’s the point”?

Gentleman, your duty is to make sure that your wife is enjoying your sex life and when she is fulfilled, I can guarantee you she will want more! Ask your wife what you can do to make sure this happens. Learn to be a great lover by asking her what she needs.

To read the full post:
http://tinyurl.com/3vbndg9

Men, Do more house work and get more sex?!

Smart Man!

“Whether it’s doing the dishes or the laundry, men who help out around the  house get more sex”, according to sociologists from the University of California. According to the study, when a women feels valued it leads to more sex. So what do you think about this?

Ladies, lets hear from you:

1. Is it true? If your husband helped out more around the house, would he get more sex?

2. Does helping out around the house have anything to do with it?

3. When your husband helps out around the house, do you feel valued? What does he do that makes you feel valued? Does feeling valued have anything to do with sex?

Gentlemen, your turn:

1. Do you believe this? Do you think if you helped out around the house more, you would get more sex?

2. What do you think will lead to more sex?

3. What do you do or can you do to make your wife feel valued? Do you think that will lead to more sex?

Let us know what you think!

Marriage Lessons from the NFL!

Last summer we spent a weekend in Charlotte, NC where we had the privilege to spend some time with John and Laura Kasay. John is the place kicker for the NFL’s Carolina Panthers and has been one of the most consistent kickers in the league over his 20 year career.

Do you want to know something interesting? Come the end of July, John will be heading to TRAINING CAMP. Even though John is a 20 year veteran he will go back to do drill after drill and focus on the fundamentals. Why? Because it’s what is needed to be successful!

We challenge couples continuously to “GET AWAY AND GET AHEAD”. Couples who make time to get away from the kids, the job and all that life throws at them are happier, healthier, have a better sex life, and are more contented with life, than those who don’t.

So when was the last time you got away for a “marriage training camp”? Unlike our friend John it DOESN’T have to be drill after drill. It could simply be a romantic weekend away together, or go to a marriage conference of your choice.

Hoping to see you soon!
Jay & Laura~

So THAT’S what my bed feels like!

Wow, in the last 3 weeks we’ve slept in our own bed a total of 4 NIGHTS! Ok so that is a little insane, but now we’re home and reflecting on the incredible experiences!

Our trip to Singapore was cut short by three days when we chose not to go to Japan as “tourists” so soon after the disaster there. As many of you have read, our time in Singapore was very special where we met fantastic people and truly had the time of our lives.

We then flew to Chennai, India and began a two day travel (via sleeper train) to the remote area in Southern India where our Compassion child James (ok he’s 18 now) resides. We spent an amazing two days with James that we will never forget! (A video recap will be coming later this week!!) India is an overwhelming country, we have no other words to describe it other than overwhelming. EVERY one of your senses is overwhelmed while there and as a result we came away very emotionally drained.

We took 4 different flights to get home and right before leaving India came down with a case of “Delhi Belly” which made travel ohhh soo fun! We got home late Sunday night, the kids did a great job of turning around and heading for school Monday morning while mom and dad spent the week recovering from what ever bug we digested in India!

This last Friday and Saturday nights were spent with wonderful people in Eden, NC and Piedmont, OK who hosted us for our Ultimate Date Night! Then Sunday we had a 4:15am wake up call so we could catch a plane for our Grove Park Inn Celebrate Your Marriage Conference. After circling Detroit Airport for an hour then being re-routed to Ft. Wayne for refueling, it became apparent that we were NOT going to make our 4pm show at the conference!

We were fortunate to have our good friend and true professional Ken Davis fill in for us at 4pm and we took his 8pm slot. Ken did a masterful job of challenging the couples to live “Fully Alive” and we shared our new program entitled “A Rock and Roll Guide to Love, Sex and Romance”. The comments and response from the couples was truly a blessing and as always a confirmation that we are changing lives with the message that marriage was meant to be a CELEBRATION!

Until next week~

Jay & Laura